don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
