why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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