im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
