But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
