this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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