just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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