My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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