My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
