Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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