i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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