exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
