dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize