Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
