"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
