God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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