Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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