I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
