do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
