i just wanna soil my oats bro
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
