I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
