I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
