does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
