Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
