girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
