OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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