it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
