Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
