I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The adults are the big ones right?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
