So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
