she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
