I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
