Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
