At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
