I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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