Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
