: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
