Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
