Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
