After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Randomize
