i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
