the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
