I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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