I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
