Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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