shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Randomize
