we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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