I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
sex in a hospital.. check
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
