When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
