Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
