Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
