fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
