come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
