The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
