your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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